Surviving My Life

Top Five Things Never Made Of Snow

As I sit here in my warm office looking out over the city of Utica waiting for our yearly Christmas party to start, I'm struck by how much snow we're getting right now.

I'm serious. It's snowing really hard out there. It's snowing faster than a 400lb fat man running into McDonalds for his usual four double quarter cheesburgers and diet coke.

What is up with that? Yesterday, I was forced to eat lunch at McDonald's. I was out meeting clients, and I was really hungry. Anyway - this really...um...."horizontally gifted" man ordered four double quarter pounders w/cheese and a large Diet Coke.

Does the Diet Coke "cancel out" the cheeseburgers? Is there some magical property that removes the twelve gallons of grease he's about to eat? Someone tell me!

But I must digress.

Anyway - as it's snowing outside, and I'm not doing much of anything, I got to thinking.

There are some things that you never see made out of snow...

5.) Fake car. Think of it! What if you sculpted a snowdrift into the shape of a car! How long would the plow drive around it?

4.) Igloo Condiminium. - They can make one room, but so can I! Let's do something challenging! Give me a three story igloo with a balcony!

3.) Snowcastle. - Why not? We can make a castle out of sand, but not snow?

2.) Snow Boulder. - Look, if you want a snowball fight with me, it's only fair that I roll my new seven foot tall snow boulder that I made down the hill at your car. Dodge that!

1.) Snow Yetti - Look, anyone can roll up three balls and make a snow man. Let's be more creative and make something that'll scare the living tar out of any kid dumb enough to wander through your backyard. Or, you could make a snow puma...or snow dinasaur...but one thing I've never seen is a snow hippapotamous.

Say it with me "Hippapotamous"....you know you like to say it...

It's time for me to build a snowman outside our office window on the roof. Maybe if I position it close enough to the edge the police will think someone's trying to jump...

posted by Jeremiah @ 13:03