Surviving My Life

Urban Survival Skills

Where I live in Utica is a place called Cornhill. Cornhill used to belong to a farmer who grew....right, Corn. Anyway, in 1910 Utica started to expand and so the city bought the land from the farmer and the upper class families built townhouses on this hill.

After around 1960, though, the area began to go down hill. Crime moved in, and the upper class tax base moved out. Not a good situation.

So, living here in Cornhill has been an interesting experience. There are always women "out for a walk" - except they hang out on street corners. Asking your neighbor for a white substance completely unrelated to flour is a common occurance. And going out for a run sometimes means that you get a better workout than you intended - dodging bullets.

Don't get me wrong - Cornhill is getting better, but it's still not the lap of luxury. Anyway, I've learned several important points about cornhill that I hope you can all take to heart if you ever live in an area like I do.

5.) Never run down the road wearing a blue leisure suit. You will be shot out of a need to put you out of your misery.

4.) Being 6' tall DOES help in a fight, but being 3' tall enables you to hide in more bushes.

3.) Fireworks can be lit to celebrate any event - like the fact that it's Tuesday.

2.) You can put rims on anything. This includes School Busses, Ford Pintos, and Ugos.

1.) Putting a rain gutter on the back of your 86 Plymouth Shadow instantly makes it a sports car.

I hope you all take these points to heart. Now I've got to go.

Sanford & Son is on.

posted by Jeremiah @ 18:13