Surviving My Life

Paradigm Shift

My life is changing. I can feel it.

The direction is moving, and the reality of who I am and where I'm going seems to be more and more something uncertain.

For me, life has changed for the better. Past the old ways and habits. Past the old ideas. The preconceptions and notions of my final destinations.

Days like today - where I had one set of plans, and they were changed for the better inside of ten minutes.

The roofing project is over. As I type this, I'm sure my mother is driving my father crazy with packing as they prepare to go on vacation.

This week I'll be staying at their house. Watching the pets - again - and making sure nobody breaks in to steal the wooden panneling in the living room.

Even where I grew up, it's starting to look different.

I remember the garage my entire life being one of those ugly things that I thoght looked horrible. Part of the dislike (for everyone) was the roof. Patched in several places with shingles that far from matched the black of the previous job, the roof always stuck out like a sore thumb - and was something that everyone noticed.

Twenty-Three years after moving in, we've replaced the roof. Ripped off all the old shingles - only to reveal that our garage was being held together by Jesus and prayer.

The wood was brittle and much of it was only 1/4" thick in places. Two full weeks of work later, and every sheet of plywood has been ripped off and removed. New plywood was hammered into place, and the supporting structure has recieved several large 2x4's and 2x6's which have at least doubled the structural integrity of the roof.

The roof is done. New shingles, brown, span the entire expanse - new roof now merges into old roof seamlessly.

My house - my home - looks totally different.

Yes, I still refer to it as "home". I do live by myself - but I've found that I never say "I'm going home" when I leave somewhere to head to my apartment. I say "I'm going to my apartment". Curious.

In any case, life is moving on. I couldn't help but think about the old garage. How it was before. Leaky. Ugly. Smelly in some areas. Rotten boards in others.

With some time, and hard work, it was made new again.

It's not perfect - there's a visable ridge where the old roof meets the new - but it's better.

It actually looks like a battle scar if you look from the road at it.

Being the introspective person that I am, I started to draw references to this new endeavor as we worked on it. The old being changed into the new. The amount of work necessary to accomplish this - two weeks - and the undeniable fact that even after it's all said and done, some traces of what was still remain.

I've gone through a lot. I've healed. But I still carry those memories. Those unchangable facts of my life that I am incapable of erasing - but that remain.

Hard lessons learned.

As I look back and have seen everything. Who I am. Where I come from. What God has given me....

I'm forced to see the beauty in the tapestry of my life. How all of my problems, my sins, my speedbumps, and holes, have all been woven together to form a monument to the greatness of God.

He used so many things in my life - bad things - to build what I have today. It's astonishing.

My life is on a different road now. I no longer lie awake at night mourning the past.



I lie awake excited for the future.

posted by Jeremiah @ 17:09