Surviving My Life

I Lied.

I've been avoiding this place, but something happened to me this week - something I don't know how to deal with.

For six days now I've had the same dream over and over again.

And it doesn't change - it's the same one.

I'm in my parent's backyard. It's night-time out. It's summer. There are stars out. I'm chasing someone, and at first, I don't know who it is. Then I catch her, and she turns around and kisses me on the cheek - and it's her.

She smiles at me - and then I wake up.

I can't figure this out. I can't escape this. Everytime I think that I've moved on, an event will occur and there she is - again.

And it's like that fall night all over again. When I watched her drive away in her car after she told me she never loved me.

I know that my sister will read this, and so will Kat. I know they know who this is. I've done everything that I know how to do. Prayer doesn't work. Fasting doesn't do anything. She's there. All the time.

I've managed to conquer every problem in my life. I've beaten every problem I have - except for this one.

I don't know how.

I give up.

posted by Jeremiah @ 19:27